A Change in Direction
by ValaMagic
Summary: Rewrite of Season 6 so Tara doesn't die. Picks up part way through Entropy but everything from then on is different. I promise it's not the same as the other Season 6 rewrites out there. Femslash Tara/Willow. Rating is for later.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hey guys, this is my first ever Buffy fic and i know it's not exactly original to rewrite the parts of Season 6 that end up with Tara dieing. But i haven't seen it done quite this way before, so stick around and see what happens. I know bits of this chapter are pretty similar to Entropy, but just the one conversation and if you haven't seen it then it won't matter and the stuff after this will be completely different. So enjoy, leave lots of reviews and we'll see where this goes.

Chapter 1

"Willow" Tara seemed almost surprised by Willow's presence outside her class but not entirely, Willow supposed that the blonde was able to feel her presence, as Willow could sense Tara's.

"Hey" Willow smiled shyly at her ex-lover causing Tara's stomach to flip over and a warmth spread across her cheeks. A few years ago she would have run away if someone as beautiful as the red-head had walked up to her.

"Becoming a bit of a habit, this. Us, after class" She teased Willow, the lopsided grin that tugged at her lips, even hinted at flirting. Three years ago she never would have flirted with anybody, she owed Willow a lot.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Willow denied, a blush creeping across her cheeks that blended far too closely with her hair for Tara's liking. But it was cute anyway.

"She's just a friend" Tara offered, wondering when the tables had turned between them, wondering when she had become so secure and Willow so insecure. She still wanted to believe that their relationship was salvageable, but that would depend on Willow.

"Oh, well, friends are good. I mean I have friends" Tara saw a Willow-babble starting and knew she needed to stop it before it became full-blown, because Tara knew she'd never be able to keep up her facade against a Willow-babble, the girl was just too cute.

"Yeah, they are. I promise though, she really is just a friend" Willow nodded.

"I really should go" she gestured wildly towards the door, away from the awkward conversation unfolding between them, Tara didn't blame her.

"Yeah, me too. Class" she supplied "Maybe we could get coffee sometime" Tara felt herself cracking, she needed Willow in her life, and she could tell Willow needed her, and she didn't want to place too much importance on herself but maybe she could help Willow out of her magic problem. She might be the only one who could.

"Coffee would be nice. As friends, of course. You can bring your friend if you want, I guess I could bring Dawn, because you know three's a crowd and all that stuff"

"Willow" Tara interrupted again, smiling in spite of herself at Willow's speed-talking "I'd really prefer if it's just us. It'd be nice to catch up. I've missed you" Tara bowed her head slightly worried she'd overstepped their carefully constructed boundaries, but the smile that lit up Willow's entire face made any over stepping worthwhile.

"So..." Tara added, dragging her eyes from Willow's before she got lost in the emerald orbs.

"Yeah, coffee. Tomorrow afternoon?" Willow suggested.

"Sure" Tara agreed, her eyes meeting Willow's again "Oh shoot. I have to research for my ethnography for sociology"

"Oh" Willow's face fell and Tara wished she hadn't already made plans with her research partner for the next afternoon, but she couldn't very well cancel.

"I promised Dawn we'd go to the movies on Friday night. This has been kind of tough on her and I don't want to cancel on her. She hates seeing us apart" Willow swallowed hard and Tara could tell that if it was hurting Dawn it was hurting Willow a million times more. It hurt everyone, even Tara.

"How about Saturday?" Willow suggested, her voice cracking slightly. Tara had planned to work on her piece for her art class, but Willow probably couldn't handle any further rejection.

"Sure" She agreed, she really needed to get to her next class but Willow was fragile and any small thing could be perceived as rejection by her.

"Can we do brunch?" Willow begged.

"Whatever you like" Tara agreed smiling, the Willow standing before her was starting to remind her of the woman she fell in love with, not the one who had messed with her memories on more than one occasion.

"Thanks" she bounced excitedly on the balls of her feet, Tara knew why she wanted to meet early, the idea of waiting another two days to see her love was too long. Tara smiled, willow could be like a little kid sometimes.

"Well I have to get to class" Willow added still bouncing on happily in front of the blonde.

"Yeah, me too" Tara agreed turning from the pretty redhead before she could act on the impulse to pull her into a tight hug and never let go.

Tara couldn't focus that afternoon as she continued through her classes, even the small interaction with Willow brought her back in tune with Willow's magical presence and even halfway across the campus she could sense Willow's movements, and even her emotions, probably because they were unusually strong, even for the excitable witch. It was happiness mixed with nervousness, maybe that was why Tara could sense her so easily; because Willow's feelings were so close to her own.

Buffy slipped into the empty seat next to Tara just as the witch's last lecture of the day began. Although sharing a class with the slayer wasn't quite the same as sharing a house with her and her younger sister she couldn't dare hope that she would ever be back living in that house. Instead she cherished each moment she got to spend with her friends, the one's she'd inherited from her relationship with Willow, the red-head had given her everything. The life she'd always wanted but never thought she'd have. A demon girl from the country didn't deserve to be blessed with such good people, not that she was actually a demon, Willow had helped her see that too.

"You look happy" Buffy observed.

"Yeah" Tara agreed, it was the best she'd felt in a while, since the singing perhaps, maybe the day she'd had her memory wiped by Willow, before the crystal got broken, she'd been falling in love with Willow all over again.

"You talked to Willow?" Buffy surmised.

"We're having coffee" Tara admitted shyly.

"That's good, right?"

"I hope so"

"She's really trying, Tara. But it's hard. I think she needs you, there's only so much I can do for her" Buffy told her sadly.

"Yeah, I Know. I just don't want to get hurt again. I love her so much Buffy"

"She loves you too" Buffy reminded.

"She's got a funny way of showing it recently" Buffy sighed, something had been going on with Willow the last few months, and it had hurt all of them, but no one more than Tara.

"She wants to make it right. Give her a chance" It was Tara's turn to sigh, she'd already decided as much, she'd give Willow a chance, but she was going to take it slow. First they would get Willow's magic completely under control before she could even consider going back to the way things were.

Tara forced herself back to the lecture at that moment, her eyes falling upon the artistically posed naked woman displayed at the front of the class. She looked at the way the hips and thighs were accentuated, as was the custom in paintings of that historical period and her mind slipped back to Willow. The painting's weren't really Tara's taste, she preferred Willow's small frame, and the way she could fold the young witch against her and wrap her completely in her embrace. It occurred to her that Willow would probably love the painting, she remembered being insecure when she and Willow had first started dating. She wasn't skinny like Willow, she had hips and thighs, her body wasn't toned like some of the other girls she saw. She wasn't particularly pretty and she didn't understand what Willow saw in her. The first time they'd made love Tara had been reluctant and while she was happy to lavish attention on Willow the moment the red-head had tried to slip her hand beneath Tara shirt the blonde had pulled away. When Willow had finally found out what was wrong she'd spent ages trying to reassure her partner that she was perfect just the way she was, that she wished she was as beautiful as Tara. She'd lavished attention on every part of Tara after that, muttering affections about each body part as she reached it causing Tara to blush and writhe beneath her. She smiled at the memory of how things had once been, she wanted the woman who'd instilled confidence in her back, she wanted her Willow.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Hey guys, second chapter... wow really on a role here... i've already got the next couple pretty much written. So enjoy, thanks for the reviews, keep em coming and i'll keep the story coming.

Chapter 2

Tara didn't know what to wear. It shouldn't have been a hard decision but the concept of choosing an outfit to meet Willow in seemed impossible. It was too early to be out of bed, but Willow had wanted to meet in the morning and Tara had agreed, now she was regretting it. Did she wear something she knew Willow loved, or did she wear something new and risk Willow thinking she'd moved on?

As she pulled out everything in her closet piece by piece, discarding each because it wasn't quite perfect, she wondered why it was even bothering her. She couldn't remember the last time she was nervous about what to wear with Willow, for goodness sake, it was Willow, the person who knew her best in the entire world. In the end she pulled on a pair of old faded jeans that were starting to get a little bit loose, maybe she hadn't been eating well recently, the breakup had been hard. The t-shirt that she pulled onto the top was one from Willow that proclaimed her as a vagitarian, she didn't wear it much, because it seemed unnecessarily crude, but for once it seemed appropriate, they both needed a laugh. When she added her mother's necklace to the outfit she realised she was going to be late if she didn't hurry.

Willow was waiting when she got to the coffee shop and by the way her leg was tapping against her stool Tara guessed she'd been there a while.

"Hey" she greeted, taking the seat opposite the red-head "Maybe we should stick to the hot chocolate. Looks like you've had enough coffee for today" Tara joked. Willow's face lit up when she saw Tara and she chuckled nervously at the attempted joke. All it really did was remind her how Tara had always looked out for her, made sure she ate even when she was studying or researching, made sure she lived on more than just coffee, went outside at least once a day. In short, Tara made sure that Willow remembered to live.

"I was nervous" Willow admitted picking up her mug of coffee to take a sip only to find it empty.

"It's just me Will. Why do you need to be nervous about seeing me" Tara asked feigning confusion and failing to mention her own nervousness that morning.

"I'm still scared you hate me, that any moment you're going to tell me you never want to see me again. Am I crazy? I mean I screwed up so bad, and I never wanted to hurt you, because you don't hurt your friends, and you definitely don't hurt people that you're... that you're friends with" Willow corrected at the last moment, not wanting to mention everything they'd shared.

"Willow" Tara breathed, shocked by the witch's confession "I could never leave you completely, you'll always be my friend Will. I told you I was yours, and I meant it" She wanted to reach across the tiny table and press her hand to Willow's trembling one, to offer whatever comfort she could to Willow as tears rolled down the red-head's cheek.

"So what's been going on with the Scoobies since I've been gone?" Tara asked finally hoping to distract Willow from the painful discussion at hand. Between sobs Willow began to tell Tara what she'd missed until finally the sobs subsided completely and the pair were laughing as if nothing had changed, except that every time Tara wanted to reach out to touch Willow she had to force herself to stop. She itched to feel the milky skin beneath hers, to draw comfort from Willow's touch, nothing compared to Willow-hugs, except maybe Willow-smoochies, or Willow-tongue (on any part of her body). She shivered at the memory of Willow with her head buried between her thighs, flaming red hair tickling her, eyes locked with Tara's over her body.

"What ya thinking about?" Willow asked noticing the smile on Tara's face.

"Just remembering that night after that party, you know, with April" she alluded.

"That was a good night" Willow shivered, after her obvious perusal of the attractive robot she'd spent the night probing to Tara that there was only one woman for her, and that she really did prefer blondes.

"Most definitely" Tara agreed, not sure that she was completely comfortable with the direction the conversation was going. Not because she was embarrassed by the things she'd done with Willow but she wasn't sure they were ready to talk about the good times, at least not the physical ones. Willow it seemed had other ideas.

"I was thinking about New Year's Eve" Willow admitted sheepishly.

"Another good night" Tara agreed.

_No one had felt much like celebrating, given that Buffy had just come back from the dead, but Xander and Anya had made an appearance at the Summers household, though they'd given up celebrating at ten thirty and Xander and Anya had gone home. Buffy had gone to patrol, Dawn had stayed downstairs watching tv, even after Willow and Tara excused themselves not so subtly. They'd barely managed to lock the bedroom door before they were all over each other, their clothes discarded in a trail towards the bed. The passionate frenzy fizzled into lazily wandering hands when they'd hit the bed naked. They'd talked, about what neither of them could remember, it didn't matter, they'd both been more focussed on each other's hands. Occasionally they'd kissed tenderly, taking things slow, savouring each other's presence, memorising each other's bodies. How long it was before things turned heated again they didn't know or care, they were happy to get lost in each other's eyes, to marvel at the beauty before them. _

_Their only indication of how much time had passed was the distant noise of the countdown as Tara lavished attention on Willow's hard nipples one hand buried between the red head's thighs . As the countdown reached zero and the new year was officially seen in Tara paused and smiled up at Willow grinning._

"_Isn't there some sort of belief that whatever you're doing at the start of the new year is what you'll spend the rest of the year doing?" she asked dragging herself up to Willow's lips to share their first kiss of the year. _

"_Sounds good to me. I could do this forever" She sighed happily as Tara continued her ministrations._

"_So long as you return the favour every so often" Tara mumbled against her stomach. _

Tara fought a grimace as she realised that obviously things hadn't turned out the way they'd planned. She was saved from any further discussion about their sex life by Dawn appearing next to their table looking distraught.

"Xander told me you guys were here. Buffy got, she got shot"

"Oh my god is she okay?" Willow asked springing to her feet.

"I dunno... Xander's at the hospital with her. He called me at Janice's and told me to come get you guys"

"Well let's go then" Willow said rushing towards the exit.

"Slow down" Tara told her pressing a hand to the red-head's arm, an action that did not go unnoticed by either of the people present. "Just calm down. Dawn, what do we know?"

"It was Warren. He got away but the police are looking for him" Tara noticed the teen's eyes begin to water and wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug leaving one arm around her shoulder as they headed out of the coffee shop. All three hoped that the blonde slayer would pull through , the chances of bringing her back again were pretty slim. They'd been lucky the first two times.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Hey guys, thanks for all the positive feedback, sorry it's taken me a little longer than i'd planned to get this chapter up but i'll make it up to you guys... i swear... lots more chapters soon and Willow Tara goodness... i promise.

Chapter 3

"Xand?" Xander was sitting in the first row of plastic hospital chairs, his head in his hands.

"She's in surgery" he relayed without looking up.

"You should go get cleaned up" Tara pointed to his bloodstained hands and shirt "We'll be okay here"

Xander nodded "I'll try not to take too long" He pulled Dawn against him for a moment "She'll be okay, Dawn"

"I hope so" Dawn agreed, looking doubtful.

"Come here, Dawnie" Tara offered, patting the seat next to her as Xander disappeared into the bathroom. Dawn accepted the offer gratefully and pressed her body against Tara's, the older woman smoothing the younger girl's hair down soothingly. Willow slipped onto the other side of Dawn and pressed a hand to her knee.

"Xander's right, she'll be fine. Any time now a doctor will come out here and tell us that she's doing fine and we can go see her. Just wait"

"I don't think I could handle losing her again. I mean you guys were great and everything, but she's my sister and I need her"

"We all do" Tara agreed.

"I've lost so much. I can't handle losing anything else" She buried her face in Tara's shoulder and the blonde tried to comfort her as best she could while Willow pressed a comforting hand to her shoulder, her eyes meeting Tara's over Dawn's shoulder. When Xander returned a few minutes later he took Tara's place leaving the two witches to search for some food and see if they could find out what was happening.

"You okay?" Tara asked as they rounded the corner away from the other two, Willow's eyes fixed on the gentle hand on her bare forearm, Tara's touch was just as electrifying as the first time.

"I don't know. I'm not sure if I could lose her again. She's the first female friend I ever had and apart from you she's the best. And if she dies then this time there won't be any bringing her back. She'll be gone for good." It was Willow's turn to cry, and just as she had done with Dawn, Tara pulled the red-head against her. She inhaled the familiar scent of her ex-lover, floral but not overpowering, she missed the way it mixed with her own vanilla scent on their sheets and in their clothes. God how she missed Willow.

"She'll be okay Sweetheart" Tara barely noticed as she slipped back into her old habits, the easy way pet names slipped from her lips. She felt Willow stiffen for a moment under her touch before relaxing against her again and clinging to Tara's t-shirt as if her life depended on it. For a moment Tara wondered if she was doing the right thing, if she was overstepping her bounds, but they were friends and friends comforted each other during the tough times. That's all she was doing.

Rather than subside the tears just came harder the longer Tara held Willow. "Shh baby, it'll all gonna be okay" Tara promised, before pressing her lips gently to Willow's temple.

When Willow finally stopped crying Tara reluctantly let her go, her hand lingered on the red-head's shoulder longer than was friendlier but Willow didn't care.

"We better go grab some food, we have to make sure Dawn eats something. You too, you're practically skeletal, you have to look after yourself Willow" Tara's voice was gentle and far from accusatory, it held nothing but concern for the woman she still loved.

The two wiccans were silent as they searched the hospital for a vending machine, the food might not be particularly nutritional but it would certainly taste better than whatever was in the cafeteria. As they stood beside the vending machine and tried to decide what to get Willow was reminded of another night spent in the hospital, but that night there was no hope left inside them, no hope that things would work out. Joyce was dead. Willow hoped that the day wouldn't end that way for Buffy. The pair managed to limit themselves to their known favourites, they doubted anyone would be in the mood to eat anyway, but they had to try.

By the time they got back Dawn had stopped crying and was chatting to Xander, almost as if nothing had happened, though her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Before they even had a chance to present their purchases Xander was talking.

"The Doctor came while you were gone. She's out of surgery. They're not sure if she'll make it, they said there's about an eighty percent chance. But they're not taking into account her slayer strength, healing thing, they said we can go in two at a time, she probably won't be awake until tomorrow though. But I'll stay if you like, you three should really go home and get some rest at some stage."

"Woah, XandMan slow down, you're putting Willow to shame with that babbling" Dawn joked causing Xander to shut up and Willow to blush.

"Well, obviously Dawn should be allowed to go in first" Tara said suddenly, distracting the other two adults from their embarrassment.

"No question" Willow agreed "You can go with her if you like Xander, unless you'd prefer one of us" Willow added turning to Dawn for her opinion.

"I don't really mind. I love all you guys"

"Okay" Xander agreed "As long as you're sure Willow. I mean she's your best friend" he asked feeling unsure.

"Yours too" Willow reminded, plus the idea of leaving Tara when she didn't have to, in fact any chance to mend their fragmented relationship, was one she intended to take full advantage of. Xander nodded and disappeared down the hallway with the youngest Summers leaving Willow and Tara once again alone.

"Here Will, eat these while they're gone" Tara attempted to hand Willow a bag of candy snakes, but the young witch refused.

"I'm really not hungry"

"You have to keep your strength up Will, Dawn needs you to be the strong one. At least have a few" Tara begged "For me"

"Okay" Willow relented, Tara tried not to remember the movie nights they used to have in her dorm room. Back when everything was still new, when they weren't doing magic they'd lie on Tara's bed a bag of snakes between them while they watched whatever movies they could find, or borrow from Xander and see which of them could tie knots with their tongue on the most snakes. Willow would always win, it was supposed to be a sign of kissing ability, and Tara didn't doubt that it was true, Willow definitely had an extraordinarily gifted mouth, and not just when it came to kissing. She watched as Willow dug through the bag searching for the red and yellow snakes, she'd always hated the others, not that Tara minded.

Xander and Dawn returned a few minutes later indicating that it was Willow and Tara's turn, before they headed to the room Tara chucked the rest of the snakes to Xander and a bag of M&M's to Dawn "Eat something while we're gone" she instructed "Xander, make sure she eats"

Buffy looked terrible, as pale as the sheets that she lay on. Her body was completely lifeless.

"Oh god, Tara. She looks so bad. What if she doesn't make it?" Suddenly Willow's lip was quivering again and Tara knew that there was a possibility they could help her chances of survival, but she'd need Willow's help and she wasn't sure if the woman was that strong yet.

"Will?" she asked tentatively "We can help her, we can help heal her. But I'd need your help. I won't ask though unless you can promise me you're up to it" she couldn't believe she was even suggesting magic to the recovering addict, especially because she knew Willow wouldn't be able to say no.

"I think I can control it. If you're with me." God, she seemed so unsure of herself, Willow used to be so confident in her abilities, how dare anyone take that away from her.

"I'll be here" Tara assured "There's things I can teach you, afterward" she added "About how it all works, and how to control it."

"There are?" Willow seemed surprised, they'd only really ever talked about casting spells, how did Tara know so much more than her.

"Yes"

"Oh, why didn't you teach me before?" Willow asked confused.

"You didn't want to learn" Willow nodded, Tara was right, all she'd wanted before was power, now all she wanted was love, but she did miss doing magic.

"Okay, if you'll be there then I can do it" Tara smiled when she saw the Willow resolve appear. Tara could have performed the spell by herself but by adding Willow's help she was able to increase it's power ten fold. Although neither of them were powerful enough to entirely heal Buffy's injury by the time they'd finished the slayer had a little colour back in her face and they had to hope that her slayer healing would be able to do the rest.

As they were heading back to the waiting room Willow stopped suddenly and Tara doubled back to find out what was wrong.

"Can you stay with me tonight. I mean me and Dawn. You can have Buffy's bed, I'm not thinking anything you know more than friendly, but we could really use you there. I mean you're the strongest person I know" For a moment Tara searched Willow's eyes for a hint that there might be more than she was letting on, but she found nothing.

"I guess. But only because of Dawn, okay, don't get any ideas"

"Just because of Dawn. Got it." Tara smiled, it was a step, albeit a small one. But Willow Rosenberg had actually asked for help and Tara could never deny her anything, especially not that which she had been so willing to give and waiting desperately for Willow to accept. Tara saw hope, perhaps Willow had changed, maybe she'd even be able to trust her again... one day.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Sorry, i haven't updated in forever. But i have a few chapters ready to upload now so i should be able to upload pretty regularly for a little while at least.

Chapter 4

"You're going to stay with us?" Dawn seemed surprised, wasn't it only Friday night Tara was telling her that she wasn't sure things would work out with her and Willow and now she was staying with them.

"It's not like that" Willow cut in "She's going to take Buffy's room. With Warren on the loose we need to stick together" It was a pretty weak story yet plausible enough for the young teen to accept, even though Tara suspected that she didn't completely believe them.

"Come on, we've still got time to go to the market if we leave now, and then I'll cook you two burritos, you look like you haven't had a decent meal in weeks" Tara was right, Dawn had been surviving on Doublemeat burgers and school lunches and the only thing anyone saw Willow eat was cereal. Tara had always made sure Willow ate breakfast, it was after all the most important meal of the day, but breakfast was just disappointing without Tara's heart shaped pancakes drizzled with syrup.

"Wow, Tara-cooking" Dawn shrieked excitedly causing the other people still in the waiting room to turn and look at the strange group. Tara smiled broadly, Dawn was such a sweet kid, she hated not being able to see her every day.

"I'll even make pancakes for breakfast" Tara promised.

"Funny shapes?" Dawn asked.

"If you like"

"You're the best" Dawn affirmed wrapping herself around the blonde in a tight hug. The truth was, Tara didn't mind cooking for the two girls at all, or three, as was the case when Buffy was around. She loved being able to provide for them, but she especially loved the way Willow would sit at the counter and watch on while she worked a different kind of magic in the kitchen. Sometimes Willow would study, occasionally informing Tara of one thing or another that she was learning , Tara would smile and indulge Willow's academic babbles. It wasn't something she'd taken much notice of until she'd moved out.

Although the three girls tried to convince Xander to head back to the Summers residence with them, he stayed resolutely at Buffy's side. None of them knew exactly what had happened, only that Xander had been with Buffy when she was shot.

"It's not your fault" Tara whispered to him while Willow and Dawn got ready to leave "The doctor said you probably saved her life"

"How did you know?" Xander asked looking up from where his head was buried in his hands.

"Magic" she teased. Xander nodded, it was just like her to know what was bothering him, she was intuitive that way "It really wasn't your fault" she tried again.

"Thanks. On some level I know it wasn't my fault, but I just stood by and watched while Warren shot her, I should have done something. I don't know chased him or something, but he's still on the streets." Xander admitted sadly.

"No. You did exactly what you should have done. You stayed by her side, called an ambulance and applied pressure to the wound. Leave Warren to the police" Tara tried to reassure him.

Xander still looked unsure when Willow approached the pair "Ready to go"

"Yeah" Tara threw a look back at Xander on her way out to make sure he was okay, he nodded and tossed her a weak smile. He might not be doing great, but he'd be okay.

"This is so cool" Dawn babbled on the way back to the house "We can stay up late and watch movies and eat popcorn. Just like we used to. I've missed you Tara"

"I've missed you too, Dawnie" Willow was unusually quiet though and Tara suspected it might have something to do with her guilt over the current situation. She was pleased the wiccan had finally accepted her fault in their break-up but she still hated to see Willow sad. In an uncharacteristic show of affection she reached her hand out and pressed it against Willow's thigh for a few moments, trying to silently reassure her that the break-up had not been her fault, at least not entirely. Perhaps if Tara had been willing to say something earlier then things would not have progressed the way they had. Perhaps if she'd taken the time to teach Willow the laws of magic that her own mother had taught her, but it was all useless. Willow had purged her memory, on more than one occasion, the second having disastrous results for everyone. The love was still there and Willow was trying, that had to count for something.

Tara was surprised by how much her friend's house still felt like home even though she'd been gone for a couple of months. There was still a photo of her and Dawn from the teenager's last birthday sitting on a table in the hallway. Plus a photo of the entire Scooby Gang in the living room, even Anya was there. Her breath caught for a moment at the way Willow's arms were wrapped around her from her position on Tara's lap. Everybody looked so happy, Tara couldn't remember the last time she'd seen everyone smile that broadly, between her losing her mind, Buffy dying, her and Willow breaking up, then Anya and Xander breaking up and the thing with Spike and Buffy... Well no one had smiled much at all recently. Once Buffy was out of the hospital Tara promised herself that they would all do something fun together, something that did not involve saving the world and definitely not something that involved parties or strenuous thought. Maybe bowling.

She barely noticed as her feet carried her into the kitchen and she began to unpack the paper bag filled with their purchases from the market. Her mind didn't register as she shoved each item into its respective place in the kitchen she knew far too well, better perhaps than any of the people who actually lived there, for she was the only one who ever cooked in it.

Willow and Dawn sauntered in just as she was putting the eggs in the fridge.

"We put fresh sheets on Buffy's bed for you" Dawn supplied trying to ease the tension between her two surrogate parents.

"Thanks" Tara turned to the sink and washed her hands thoroughly, just as she did whenever she was about to start cooking.

No one quite knew what to say beyond that and the three were left in silence as Tara prepared her world renowned, well maybe Sunnydale renowned burritos. Dawn seemed mostly content to breathe in the heady aroma of the Mexican dish while ignoring the tense atmosphere, though every so often a small sigh would escape her lips. How could two people who were so perfect for each other be so difficult, she wondered. Willow alternated between shredding the morning's newspaper and drumming her fingers against the bench. Should she get up and leave, or would Tara think that was rude. Besides she really wanted to spend as much time as she could with the blonde witch, she wished they could be alone to talk, but Dawn was making no indication that she would be moving any time soon.

"These are amazing. Can you come back and cook for us all the time. I miss you" Dawn begged as she chomped into her third burrito. Tara caught the grimace that appeared on Willow's face for a second before she managed to control it, she knew she had to get the witch alone for a few seconds and repair the damage Dawn was unwittingly doing. She was relieved when the teen offered to clear the dishes, of course Willow offering to help wasn't very helpful to her.

"Will" she called out before the red-head could follow Dawn into the kitchen.

"Yeah"

"She doesn't mean to you know. She just misses me"

"And it's my fault you're gone... If I hadn't... then you would have stayed and she wouldn't be missing you. I wouldn't be missing you. This whole thing is my fault"

"It's not all your fault. Okay, so some of it is your fault, but I failed you just as much as you failed me" being the strong one still felt strange to Tara, but she'd promised herself to do whatever Willow needed and right now she needed to be weak.

"No, no, no. How can you even say that. You never failed me, you were right to leave. I was horrible to you."

"I saw that you were in trouble and I didn't help you. And then I left when you needed me most. I should never have done that, no matter what you did"

"God Tara, is that what you really think?"

"Yeah, it is" Tara admitted.

"Oh god, Tara, I screwed everything up so badly, you're the last person I wanted to hurt" Once again there were tears running down Willow's cheeks, and Tara struggled to keep a few from slipping down her own cheeks.

"Could we talk about all this later Will? Buffy's in the hospital, we have to be strong for Dawn. But we will talk, sometime" Willow knew Tara was right, it wasn't the time or that place for their little heart to heart, for the moment she would need to be content with the knowledge that Tara didn't hate her, even if she deserved it.

They spent the rest of the evening, as Dawn suggested, watching movies, the teen had taken up residence on the ground, her body nestled between Tara's legs. The two witches took up residence on the couch, Willow curled against one corner with her knees pulled up under her so that her feet occasionally brushed Tara's thigh. Neither bothered with the popcorn that was on Dawn's lap.

Dawn fell asleep half way through the second movie, a cheese ball romantic comedy starring Mel Gibson, who had developed the unusual ability to read women's minds. Willow had scoffed at the concept before explaining to Tara about Buffy's similar experience during high school, though it had much more disastrous results. Of course she'd also managed to stop Jonathon from killing himself and the cafeteria lady from poisoning the entire school. Tara had laughed when Willow told her how Buffy had read her mother's mind and found out she'd had sex with Giles, albeit under the influence of some rather unusual candy. Nonetheless, the mental images it had provoked had been disturbing to say the least.

When Willow yawned two thirds of the way through the movie Tara offered her lap as a pillow, an offer Willow was quick to take up. It felt so natural to have Willow's head in her lap Tara mused, the red hair splayed across her jeans was the way life was supposed to be. It was hard to remember that she probably shouldn't be doing it, it felt too good to be wrong.

When the movie finished she woke Willow and sent her towards bed before waking Dawn and sending her to bed too. Tara stayed downstairs long after she was sure the other two were asleep wondering how she'd ended up where she was and whether she could eventually end up where she wanted to be. It would take a lot of work on her part and on Willow's, but it could be done she decided.

Willow's door was hanging open when she made her way upstairs, Dawn's was closed. That's how she knew the sobbing was coming from Willow and not from the young teen. She could have kept walking and pretended she hadn't heard but her conscience wouldn't let her do that.

"Willow?" she asked tentatively from the doorway. Her only response was a sniffle from the direction of the bed "You okay?" Stupid question, she thought to herself. People who are crying aren't normally okay. She crossed the room in a couple of steps, she'd lived there for so long that she knew where everything was even in the dark.

Tara took a seat on the edge of the bed and felt around for Willow eventually finding her leg. Gently she trailed the hand up Willow's body until she found an arm and then a shoulder allowing her to pull the redhead against her body. Willow was freezing, it was only then that Tara noticed the shattered window pane and in a second she knew what had happened. Warren had let off a stray shot. Willow could have died, if she hadn't been having coffee with Tara that is.

No matter how much she tried Tara couldn't warm Willow's freezing body.

"Come on, we'll get this cleaned up in the morning. You can sleep in Buffy's room tonight. I'll take the couch" Willow didn't move forcing Tara to drag her to her feet and lead her down the hallway to the smaller bedroom. She tucked the red-headed witch tenderly under the covers and dragged the spare blanket from the foot of the bed, but Willow was still shivering.

"I'll go get you a hot water bottle" Tara offered before turning towards the doorway not expecting a response from Willow, so she was surprised when she heard the witch whisper as she got to the doorway, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Stay"


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Finally a new chapter for you guys!

Chapter 5

"Stay" Willow whispered again.

Every fibre of Tara's being wanted to crawl into bed next to the red-head and act as a human hot-water bottle but her brain screamed that it was a bad idea. Then Tara remembered the promise she'd made to herself earlier that night. Anything Willow needed Tara would give and she had no intention of failing the witch again.

Wordlessly Tara tugged her boots off before unbuttoning her jeans and wiggling out of them dropping them in a pile at the end of the bed. Usually the thought of being so uncovered with Willow wouldn't have been unsettling, in fact she would have happily shed all of her clothes. But given their current situation she felt naked in just her underwear and t-shirt as she carefully unhooked her bra and added it to the pile without removing her shirt. She couldn't sleep in either her jeans or bra, at least not comfortably.

As Tara slipped wordlessly into bed next to her ex lover she was thankful that Willow had at least changed into her pyjamas. Even if they were the faded flannelette Harry Potter pyjamas that Tara had given her for their first Christmas together. She didn't think she could survive seeing or touching Willow's creamy skin if she'd had to help her change. Just lying next to her in bed was hard enough.

Willow chose that moment to nuzzle into Tara's side, searching for the warmth that she so desperately needed, both physically and emotionally. Tara could not have denied her anything in that moment. Willow wasn't thinking about that though. She didn't care whether Tara would have had sex with her at that moment because she was too busy thinking that if it wasn't for Tara she might have been dead. She could have been standing next to that window when Buffy was shot, and nobody would have known to check if she was okay. She would have bled out on the carpet, it probably would have been Dawn who found her, not knowing what had happened. She was so lucky Willow realised, she had so much to live for and she'd been throwing it away with her stupid abuse of magic. She'd come so close to losing everything. Why did it take Buffy almost dying for her to realise it?

Tara pulled the tiny shivering body against her and tucked Willow's head against her chest nestled between her chin and the swell of her breast. It was a familiar embrace, too many nights they'd comforted each other the same way. Normally Tara would have pressed a kiss to Willow's flaming red hair or drawn her hand in small circles across her lover's back, but she forced her hand to remain still against Willow's head. She wished Willow would stay still but the red-head kept wriggling, forcing her body closer to Tara's, trying to gain some of Tara's warmth.

The memory of the same body moving against her for a different reason was still far too fresh in Tara's mind. Having sex with Willow was fun, making love to her was amazing. Willow's lips against any part of her body could drive her crazy and send a warmth throughout her entire body and ignite a fire beneath her skin. Truthfully, it was cuddles that Tara missed, the way Willow would comfort her or vice versa, like she was doing now. She missed waking up with Willow in her arms a tiny little smile on her face even in sleep. She missed the way Willow managed to sustain a childlike wonderment about life despite all she'd seen, or perhaps because of it. In the same way that Willow still saw the beauty in the world Tara still saw the beauty in Willow, despite the unthinkable things she'd done. That was why Tara would do whatever she could to help the young wiccan, hopefully she'd even be able to forgive her one day.

Tara could sense the moment the red-headed wiccan in her arms slipped into sleep, her breathing evened out and slowly she began to stop shivering. Unconsciously Willow snuggled even closer to Tara and the blonde grimaced slightly, why did she have to be so cute and entirely irresistible, it had just made leaving even harder. But she was back and in her heart she knew that Willow had grown enough in their time apart to never put her in such a bad position again.

It was a long time before Tara finally managed to shut her brain off enough to fall into a restless sleep, her ex-girlfriend pressed against her body. It seemed that every hour or so she would wake, find Willow still pressed against her, then sigh sadly and eventually fall back to sleep. When she woke up and saw that the sun was casting a soft glow over the room she decided it was time to get up. The very thought of facing a sleep mussed Willow with the sun illuminating her as she drifted slowly into consciousness in Tara's arms was too much. Besides, she'd promised a pancake breakfast and she wasn't going to go back on her promise to Dawn, the girl looked almost skeletal as it was, she needed a good meal.

She tried not to wake Willow as she slipped from under the covers, she dragged her jeans back up her legs and rebuttoned them but didn't bother with her bra, after all it was just Dawn and Willow. Willow unconsciously grabbed for Tara's body as she slipped away but didn't wake up. Tara smiled, but it was bittersweet; she knew Willow loved her, even in sleep she reached for her, but it couldn't erase the things she'd done to Tara. Despite that Tara couldn't resist pressing a chaste kiss to Willow's soft lips before heading downstairs, she'd never been able to resist Willow's lips. Even before their admittance of attraction to one another Tara had found herself pressing her lips to Willow's while the witch slept in her bed after an intense night of spell doing or talking.

As Tara pulled away from Willow she watched as the red-head's lips searched out hers again, pouting when they met only air. Was she trying to torture herself, Tara wondered as she headed downstairs leaving Willow asleep in Buffy's bed. She checked on Dawn on her way to the kitchen and found her sleeping peacefully. She checked the time when she got downstairs and seeing it was almost eight decided she'd better ring Xander.

She was relieved when he answered the phone after a couple of rings, she'd been worried he'd spend the entire night at the hospital watching Buffy, but knew that if he was going to do it then it wouldn't matter what she said.

"Hey Xander. Buffy doing okay?"

"Yeah, she wasn't awake when I left, but the Doctor said they weren't expecting her to wake up until morning. I'm gonna head back in a little bit if you guys want to come"

"Thanks Xander, the other two are still asleep, but yeah, we'll definitely come with you" Tara didn't need to ask the other two if they wanted to go to the hospital, she knew it was a given "Look, can I ask you a favour though?"

"Sure, anything Tara. You know whatever happened with you and Willow that we're still friends" Sometimes Tara loved Xander Harris, if she hadn't been gay she would have wanted a guy just like him, she certainly understood what Willow had once seen in him. He was a sweet guy.

"Well, I kinda need to borrow your handyman skills. The window in Willow's bedroom is broken, as far as I can tell there must have been a stray bullet hit it"

"Oh geez" she heard Xander gasp as he realised just how close he'd come to losing two of his best friends less than twenty four hours earlier.

"Yeah... Will was kinda shook up by it"

"Wow. You want me to come fix it?"

"If you could"

"Sure. I'll come by in a bit before I go to the hospital" She remembered the Xander from when she'd first started dating Willow, he'd just been a boy who didn't know what he wanted to do, living in his parent's basement. Now he was a man working his way up in the construction business, even running his own site.

"Thanks. If you get here soon then you can have pancakes with us, but if you're not quick then Dawn will eat them all" Xander laughed, he'd seen Dawn in action where Tara's cooking was concerned and he certainly understood why, her pancakes were practically sinful.

Willow appeared in the kitchen just as Tara finished mixing the batter.

"Hey" she greeted smiling "I was wondering where you'd gotten to. I was kind of expecting you to be there when I woke up" Tara had been expecting the morning to be awkward, but the silence that descended on them following Willow's words was beyond awkward. Tara cringed at Willow's words, the smile that accompanied them and the flirty way that Willow said it reminded Tara of too many times that she'd said just the same thing.

The first morning they'd been in the house, the day after Buffy died, they'd been in exactly the same position. The three of them had slept in the lounge that night. Dawn had taken the sofa, her feet carefully bandaged by a slightly shaken Tara, who was enjoying having her lucidity back. Tara and Willow had dragged some blankets and pillows to the floor after pushing the coffee table out of the way and slept happily in each other's arms, too exhausted to even consider doing anything else, although Tara remembered they'd made up for it the next night when Dawn had stayed with Xander. Tara had pulled away from Willow's warm body and the hard ground early that first morning and wanting to enjoy her reacquired sanity decided to make pancakes. Willow had stood in the very same spot that morning and said the very same thing with a pout on her face before taking Tara into her arms and kissing her like the world was about to end.

In that moment Tara wished that Willow would do the same thing, but she knew that couldn't happen, even though Willow kisses could make everything better, they could also complicate things between them.

Tara tried to focus her mind on the pancakes but it drifted, showing first one happy image of her life with Willow, then another and occasionally something sad, but the kind of sad that reminded her why she loved Willow, not the kind that reminded her why they broke up. She remembered the way Willow had comforted her after her father had visited, when she realised that she would probably never again have a family. Willow had promised that wouldn't happen. She remembered how Willow had held her after she finally divulged every detail of what her father had done to her, physical and emotional during her childhood, she'd never told any of it to anyone before, not even her mother. She remembered holding Willow after Joyce Summers had died and again after Buffy's death, in some ways they were the best memories of her time with Willow, even if they came from the worst times.

She was pulled from the memory by Dawn's appearance in the kitchen, the teenager obviously unaware of the tension around her.

"Mmm, Tara pancakes... I've missed these" Dawn proclaimed snagging the first of the cooked pancakes while Willow continued to stare blankly at her ex-girlfriend hoping she hadn't just screwed things up.

"Hey Dawnie, did you sleep okay?" Tara asked flipping a new pancake and serving the second to Willow who took the plate absently, as if she had no idea what it was for. Tara smiled, enjoying that she wasn't the only one feeling awkward.

"Yeah, okay I guess" Dawn replied drenching her pancake in syrup before cutting off a chunk so large that Tara couldn't help but watch as she tried to shove it in her mouth.

For a long time after that it seemed that each pancake Tara cooked disappeared faster than she could flip another until finally Willow stepped in.

"This one's yours. You gotta eat Tara" It was typical Willow, sometimes she was so in tune with people's needs it was scary. Tara missed that side of her, somewhere along the line it had been replaced by a selfish Willow who either didn't notice or didn't care about anyone else's needs.

"Thanks" Tara smiled and took the offered plate while Willow took her place at the stove, Dawn disappeared wanting to snag the first shower. Tara and Willow both knew they'd be landed with no hot water once again.

"I didn't happen to leave any clothes here did I?" Tara asked as she and Willow cleaned up a few minutes later leaving a small stack of pancakes on the counter for Xander.

"Yeah. I think there's a few things in my room still. I've been meaning to give them back to you" Tara smiled, she could see through Willow's act and somehow it made her happy, she'd left clothes behind and Willow knew, yet she hadn't given them back because some part of her enjoyed still having some of Tara's stuff. It was comforting in a strange way.

A few minutes later she watched as Willow pulled things from each of the drawers in what had once been their bedroom leaving a rather large pile of clothes on the bed for Tara to choose from. She hadn't realised she'd left so many of her clothes behind, it had been hard to separate her clothes from Willow's since she'd packed so quickly. They'd been together so long that most of Tara's possessions had become their possessions and the same for Willow. Consequently they shared the dresser drawers with each one devoted to a type of clothing rather than a person. The idea had worked great until Tara had decided to move out, then it had been difficult to find everything, something she was pleased about that morning.

Laid out on the bed was one pair of jeans, two skirts, a summer dress and a bunch of blouses, t-shirts and sweaters for Tara to choose from plus a variety of underwear, none of it matching. Tara decided on the jeans immediately, as they were certainly the most comfortable, besides none of the tops seemed to match the skirts. She grabbed a t-shirt and a pale blue sweater to go with it not sure when they'd make it back to the house, it might get cold she reasoned. The underwear choice was harder, her eyes lingered on the options: old, trashworthy or the barely worn sexy kind. A voice in the back of her head reminded her that you should never put on underwear that you would embarrassed to be wearing if you happened to die, and in Sunnydale that was always a distinct possibility, so the see through lace monstrosities it was. Not that she was sure they were much better but at least they weren't on the verge of becoming holy, in the non religious, non sacred sense of the word.

Tara heard Willow gasp behind her at her underwear choices, the white lace bra that Willow had once thought was a perfect portrayal of Tara's purity and the electric blue satin thong that was completely unlike Tara. Tara had bought the thong to surprise Willow, to prove that she wasn't just timid and shy, but she could also take charge, the redhead had almost lost it when she first saw the blue scrap of material. So many times she'd let Willow watch her put on some of her sexy underwear in the morning, the thought of it torturing her all day until she could finally touch and remove it hours later.

"Oh god" she heard Willow breathe from across the room, causing Tara to return to the present where she noticed she was fingering the blue satin letting it glide over her hands.

"You'd prefer I went commando?" She teased, the words escaping her lips before she'd thought about them, they felt so natural, so familiar. They were familiar, she'd said them dozens of times, enjoying the look of longing it always brought to Willow's face "Oops" Tara added quietly seeing the look of shock on Willow's face.

Willow looked like she was about to say something in response when Xander poked his head around the door "Hey... Oh wow... you two... Wow" Xander babbled noticing the two girls standing in the same room as each other, but not just any room. A bedroom.

"Clothes" Willow explained quickly pointing at the garments laid across the bed.

"Hey, I'm happy for you guys. It's great" Xander told them awkwardly his eyes fixed on his feet and his fingers thrust in his pocket. "I'm just gonna... gonna, look at the window" he gestured at the spot where the curtains were flapping wildly in the warm spring wind.

"Yeah, of course. Whatever you can do with it would be good. I don't want Willow freezing tonight" Tara told Xander gathering the outfit she'd decided on into her arms. She didn't notice Willow bending to the floor to pick something up or the way she absently followed her back to Buffy's room the object still cradled in her palm.

In fact Tara didn't notice Willow until after she'd dropped the clothes onto Buffy's bed and was turning around to head back into the hall for a towel from the linen closet trying to ignore the feeling that the Summers house was still home.

"Will?" She asked steadying herself against Willow's shoulders having almost bumped into the redhead when she turned around.

"Huh?" Was the redhead's only response, her eyes were still fixed on her hand.

"Willow?" Tara repeated letting her hand trail up to Willow's cheek "What's wrong Sweetie?" Willow drew her eyes back up to Tara and then back down to her palm. Tara followed her gaze.

"The bullet" she suddenly realized, the one that could have so easily ended Willow's life had she not been at the Espresso Pump with Tara. Willow nodded.

"What if"

"No" Tara interrupted "No what if's, you're alive that's all that matters"

"But what if Dawn had gone in there at that moment to borrow something, or we'd had coffee earlier and come back to the house... I couldn't live if something happened to you guys" Willow was suddenly crying.

"Getting a bit ahead of yourself?" Tara joked trying to lighten the mood.

"No, no, nothing like that" Willow choked "But I was going to ask if you wanted the rest of your stuff back, and I thought maybe you could take the rest of the magic stuff because I know that Buffy just hid it in the attic. She thought I wouldn't see it, but I know it's there and I don't know if I trust myself yet, so I thought maybe you could look after it" Willow suddenly realised she was babbling and promptly shut up and let herself get gathered into Tara's arms in a fierce hug.

"God Will, I never should have left you alone. I couldn't be with you, but you're still my friend, I shouldn't have made you deal with this by yourself. Forgive me?" She begged.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. I was the idiot who betrayed you"

"How about we accept that we both screwed up and we've got a lot of things to sort out?" Willow nodded before Tara continued "And now you're going to give me that bullet and go have a shower, because I know what will happen if I let you keep it" Willow nodded again knowing that Tara was right, she'd obsess about it.

As Willow slipped into the recently vacated bathroom Tara headed back to Willow's bedroom suddenly wanting to see her old friend again, besides she knew that Dawn would naturally gravitate there within a few minutes.

Tara watched from the bed that had once been hers while Xander boarded up the window, there was no point even trying to get the glass replaced on a Sunday, they'd have to deal with that during the week. By the time Dawn joined her she was resting comfortably against the bed head and the teen clambered on next to her already telling Tara about her latest crush. Tara knew she should be more attentive but her senses had just picked up the smell of Willow that still lingered on the sheets, it was tropical and fruity with just a hint of something spicy and oriental that Tara had always associated with spells and magic but was really just Willow.

Suddenly the scent intensified and Tara knew without looking that Willow was in the bedroom. She looked up to prove her theory correct and found Willow wrapped only in a bath towel standing sheepishly in the doorway of her own bedroom. When Tara smiled she suddenly switched to action mode sweeping into the bedroom and quickly gathering up her clothes before slipping back into the hallway towards Buffy's room.

Tara tried not to imagine Willow slowly dressing in Buffy's bedroom as she made her own way to the bathroom grabbing a towel on her way. And she tried not to think of Willow naked in the shower as she soaped herself up. Or Willow shampooing her hair.

"Damn" Tara cursed as freezing cold water cascaded over her shoulders. Just being friends with Willow was going to be harder than she'd thought, damn Willow for being so irresistible.

**AN: Love it? Hate it? Let me know**


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